I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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