If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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