If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
