Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
