Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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