Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
