This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
