bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
