Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize