Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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