He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
