please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
