saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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