P.S. I can't hear my feet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
