I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
