Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
