Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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