How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So vagazzling was a success
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
