If i come over, it means nothing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
