I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
