ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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