a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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