i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
