I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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