I looked at my own cervix.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
