I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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