while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
