My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
