We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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