I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
