physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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