im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize