I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
