How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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