I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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