Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
