When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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