Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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