why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
