I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
