Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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