Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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