We're facebook friends in real life
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
