i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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