3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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