garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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