all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
