you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
