Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
