hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
