why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
