Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
