He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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