White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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