So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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