My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
