Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
