How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
