Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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