Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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