my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
