U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
