Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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