Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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