She is in my trunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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